Two years in Sweden: a “newcomer” examines contentment

The following is a Q&A on my experience as a "newcomer" in Sweden, published 1.5 years ago on a Web site for American immigrants in Sweden. It is interesting to look back on my evaluation of my personal situation then and compare it with how I feel today.

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It would be very interesting to know just how many expatriates choose to stay in Sweden, or return to their home country. For, the situation of many new expatriates can be extremely difficult. Airchild, now in Sweden for two years, responded to the 4 discussion questions based on the results of the contentment survey.

Question 1: “37% of the women in the 25 to 40 age group report being without work in Sweden. This is a large percentage of unemployment for any group, anywhere. And, 33% of the women responded that they will probably live in Sweden for a long time and "are not happy about that." We can speculate ad infinitum why people are unhappy, but, what could make these women feel better about their life here? If you personally have achieved success, a sense of accomplishment and contentment, what would you share with this group who are not content in Sweden? Or, if you are not content either, can you shed some light on why you are not?”

Airchild: “I cannot call my experience successful because I haven't had any stable work since I came to Sweden, and it has been two years now. In the beginning I did have some luck, and found work as an hourly English teacher, and later as a magazine editor. But due to various reasons I could not continue with them, and I was at the brink of a burnout from the magazine job, which was a big surprise because I thought that my stressful work back in New York and Hong Kong was enough to "immune" myself from this. Anyway, I started a freelance writing business without much guidance and connections, so I have only had a few small assignments. Of course I am not very happy about that, but I try not to be too harsh on myself because starting a business is something I have never done before, so at least I should congratulate myself on being able to fill out the bureaucratic forms all by myself!

Due to the lack of stable work, I decided to study Swedish at the university level, and hopefully that will help me in my future work.

I do think that being gainfully employed is very important to an immigrant's contentment, because it is very hard to feel a sense of integration in the Swedish society outside of the work environment (especially if you are not a parent and don't have contact with other parents in the dagis or school environment). However, I have decided not to let it be the most important fact for my contentment here in Sweden. Even though I and my husband are in very poor financial situations, we have found many creative ways to be happy.”

Question 2: “Confidence: The majority of this group, 25 to 40 year old females, evaluated themselves as "fair" in their language skills, and assimilation as "fair". Can you relate to that, or, is your reaction the opposite? If so, why?”

Airchild: “I think my Swedish skill is good in terms of reading, fair in terms of writing and listening, and enough to get by in terms of speaking. My confidence didn't come until after I have been able to speak to people without making them feel like they have to switch to English. I think that many immigrants have a misconception that one will become fluent in Swedish after they've finished SFI, and that they will be able to find work after that. It's a myth. A language takes many years to master, and I wouldn't call myself fluent until I can think or dream in Swedish!

In terms of assimilation, I would say mine is poor. Sure, I have no problem doing stuff like shopping, visiting doctors, making phone calls to various myndigheter, and even setting up an enkild firma. My comfort level is pretty good in these day-to-day contacts with the Swedish society. However, I don't feel I am well assimilated because I don't have my own circle of friends who are close to me, nor do I feel any closer to my in-laws. And of course not being in the Swedish workplace also makes me feel being on the edge of society. Age also makes a big difference. I believe that migrating at a younger age makes assimilation much easier. (I only said that from my own experience.) Luckily, I have a very good relationship with my husband, and I am truly in love with the Swedish nature and environment. So I take joy in those instead of brooding over the lack of human connections. (Well, I am also a loner type so it helps, I suppose!) I guess if you equate assimilation to happiness, then being able to assimilate is pivotal to your well-being. But if, on the other hand, assimilation is not 100 percent necessary for your contentment, then life would be relatively easier. For me, life has become much easier when I realized that total assimilation is not a reasonable goal for me, at least not at this point.

One thing I want to add is that I have experience of immigrations three times in my life, so the cultural shock of moving from the States to Sweden wasn't as big as the one I experienced when I moved from Hong Kong to the States, for example. But my assimilation into the American society was much easier than that into the Swedish society. So initially, I was very disheartened and frustrated in my attempt to come into the Swedish society.”

Question 3: “The men seem to be happier than the women, only 20% reported that they are not content living in Sweden: does it all boil down to family economy and having a job? Or, are expat men more confident than expat women no matter what their situation?”

Airchild: “I think that men do have a better chance in getting jobs. But I really don't have much to say about this.”

Question 4: “Do you think contentment is purely an individual thing and that all of those who reported being discontent might just be discontent anywhere?”

Airchild: I think so, to a certain degree. Of course our environments affect us--to some people, the climate affects them a lot; to others, human relationships are most important. I would certainly be happier if I lived in a warmer climate.

However, if we are more prone to seeing the positive side of things, then it becomes easier to be content no matter where you are. Also, have patience and allow room for personal growth and adaptation. Things change, your opinions and feelings toward things and people also change over time. I am actually quite surprised that I have transformed from a pessimist to an optimist during the past two years. Certain major areas of my life had hit rock bottom, but somehow, those experiences made me stronger. I think the key is to focus on now and on what we have.”