Synchronicity

I have started to become more and more aware of synchronicity... coincidences in life that are a sort of signal or voice from the Universe, giving me answers to certain queries or insights into something that seems unfathomable.

Recently, two movies by Roman Polanski have come to me and Durox by pure coincidence. The first was Cul-de-Sac, a black-and-white movie about a couple who live in a remote, old castle in England and is suddenly taken hostage by a gangster who, supposedly assuming the role of a guest in the house, turned around and took charge of everything, subjecting the hosts to a subserviant and threatened existence. Coincidentally, we rented this movie the day after our two summer guests had gone. And it was a chilling reflection of what we had gone through. (Whew!)

More recently, we happened to have rented The Tenant. Polanski, who plays the main character in the movie, is a new tenant in a Parisian apartment whose previous occupant committed suicide. He himself gradually turns paranoid after continuous pestering, complaints and threats by his cold neighbors. Eventually he commits suicide, mirroring the same fate as the preceding tenant. Because he is so mild-mannered and soft spoken, he sort of let his neighbors wear him down. One of his friends, however, shows him how to treat neighbors: play music as loudly as possible, and even march around the house. If the neighbors knock on the door, you can tell them off! Well, this is not necessarily a wise thing to do in reality. But I think this movie does give us something we could use.

Last night our next-door neighbor banged on the wall very loudly when we were watching a video tape and laughing. The wall shook. I looked at the clock. It was 11:20 p.m. Okay, so we broke the "rule of silence" after 11 p.m. In any case, the neighbor could have come and talked to us instead of knocking on the wall. She has done this several times now (sometimes even when we hadn't broken the 11 p.m. rule), and it makes us very upset every time. It's not like she is not disturbing us. Her baby cries very loudly all the time, and it does disturb us. But babies cannot be blamed. So it's just her against us. (We also have several uptight neighbors who are control freaks in the building and have pestered us--just like those in the movie.)

Now, what The Tenant gives us, is the idea that we cannot let strange neighbors take charge of our sanity. We must not let them grind us down, otherwise we'd go insane. We'll be more careful in the future, and at the same time we shall not let the neighbors dictate us. No!

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Some of you already know that my Chinese name is "Loo." When I came across this sign at the gate of a house in Stockholm, it just blew my away :-)!

Virgin Barbeque

A few weeks ago Durox was reading the history about pirates and he got really interested in the buccaneers who adopted the method of grilling meat that later came to be known as barbeque. (Read more about the origin of barbeque in English or in French).

Well, we had our first barbeque two days ago, which probably was the last warm day of the year. The day started out to be cloudy and a bit chilly. But by the time we reached our destination--the outdoor ampitheatre in Stora Skuggan--the sun broke out and it suddenly got very warm! It was just the perfect weather for grilling. We were very satisfied with the day, and the BBQ made us feel that our summer was complete.



 







Bon appétit!

Little Shadow and Magic Tower

Thanks to the good weather, Durox and I have been outdoors a lot these past two days again. Being so taken by Lilla Skuggan (Little Shadow), we came back on our mopeds and had a picnic breakfast here. (Click on images for larger versions.)





There was a very beautiful low fence made of birch wood. I dedicate this photo to Lise, who loves birch trees so much. And of course there were dragonflies again! This time I caught a red one on an alcorn.

The bulls we saw the other day were grazing nearby. This time I made sure I had enough batteries in my camera.



Then we went to explore a tower-like structure which we had seen many times as we passed by the lake Ladduviken, where we rescued the Canadian geese back in June. This tower is called Friluftsgård (open-air garden) and is situated in an area called Fiskartorpet, which used to be a royal fishing and hunting place for King Carl XI of the 17th century. The famous Swedish troubadour Carl Michael Bellman had also sung about this place and called it "devine."



We walked up the stairs in this tower to the rooftop, and what we found was a total surprise!



Turns out that this place is a ski slope in the winter time, and there is even a lift for skiiers. The slope apparently leads to the lake, which will be frozen in the winter. I imagined the big leap that skiiers would have to jump in order to land on the lake. The thought itself made my legs shake! We saw some young students walking down the slope, and Durox and I decided to try the steep descent as well. Since I suffer from vertigo, I was exhausted by fear when I got down to the bottom. But the experience was fun, and from the rooftop we had such a magnificent view of a part of the EcoPark (Ekoparken) in Stockholm.



I will post pictures of our "virgin" BBQ in my next entry. Stay tuned.

Late Summer Fun

After a whole week's gray weather and terrible rain storms, we finally had two days of sunshine and warm temperatures.



So Durox and I went out on our mopeds and enjoyed a picnic breakfast in the woods on the island of Southern Djurgården .... Some birch leaves have already turned yellow, which reminded me that summer was near its end. But a bright red dragon kept on coming to our picnic table and reminded us that it would be a warm day--at least for that day.



And indeed it was. We were overjoyed that the weather turned out to be so wonderful. In fact, the whole of August had been so yucky that I thought the summer was over already. But not yet. We went to explore new places with our mopeds (one of which is newly acquired). We came to a place called Lilla Skuggan (Little Shadow), and found many bulls, cows and calves. Unfortunately my camera batteries went out so there is no photo to show. But the next day, when we came to Stora Skuggan (Big Shadow), we found a flock of sheep, whom I believe belong to the King of Sweden. The berries on trees have just started to turn bright red.



As we went further, we noticed a beautiful "house" in the distance, across a small lake. After crossing a red bridge, we came to this structure which is actually a dance pavillion that can be rented for special events. See how exquisite it looks with reflections of the sunlight from the lake.




The lake is actually a man-made "dam," but it is a haven for many kinds of birds, ducks and geese. This place is so magical and solemn, and not many locals actually know about it. We fell asleep under the sunny sky by the lake.

To catch the sunset, we went to the harbor, where we met our seagull friends and fed them. If you click on the photo on the left to enlarge it, you can see one of the seagulls holding a piece of Swedish crispbread (knäckebröd) in his beak! A gigantic oceanliner from Finland came into the harbor and unloaded its passengers to a nearby hotel. Durox loves this place because it reminds him of the Adventures of Tintin and gives him an international feeling.



The day ended with a glorious sunset with hot-air balloons across the sky. Today is another gray and rainy day, but memories of these wonderful sunny days will keep us content for a while.

Good Things Come in Threes

If misfortune always comes in threes, then luck must also come in three. After a series of unlucky events--the stolen moped, the pickpocketed wallet, etc.--in July, today we suddently got some luck back. First Durox and I went to buy a new moped and we were able to pay with installments. Then we asked the landlord if we could be reimbursed for the new fridge, because the old one was more than 20 years old and not functioning anymore. Surprisingly he said yes, as long as the fridge stays in this apartment when we move out. Of course that's no problem for us! And finally, I got a call from a shop owner in the Old Town, telling me that his wife had found my wallet with all the cards (but no money) in it. The wallet was possibly hidden somewhere in his shop by the thief. Wow! Can you believe all these good things happening in one day?

Competition

I don't like competitions very much. I'm not a competitive person. Perhaps I was, and even "a natural" at that. Growing up in a competitive school environment, I never failed to attain the number 1 position in my class, except for two terms of what I considered "shameful failures." I even won all kinds of contests--painting, essay-writing, singing, dancing, debate, poetry recitations, and on and on and on.

But I got tired of this robotic way of achieving top honors with the goal of pleasing my parents (and perhaps myself). Success came as an expected course of events in my youth, that any little failure would make me feel like digging a hole in the ground. My self-esteem, as I discovered in later years, was largely built on my competitive abilities, on what I was able to DO, not so much on who I really WAS. How much did I truly know myself? Very little.

As I grow older, I've stopped competing. Of course I still have to compete when it comes to job searches. But that's a different matter. I started to hate competitive events or ocassions. They make me uneasy. If a friend of mine is being competitive and aggressive, I would immediately sense the tension and just let him or her get the limelight. I would shut myself off and ease out of the situation.

For me, life is not a zero sum game. And in each situation, there isn't only one winner.

Time Stops

Time stops when you live in the presence... it freezes when you experience ecstacy.

Vegie Heaven

I'm so glad about the new fridge we recently purchased. It's a "normal" size one and replaces our old dorm-size fridge, which has been in use for more than 20 years. Now I have enough space to store a variety of vegetables and make big bowls of salad whenever I want! I love vegetables and fruits, but the old fridge made me eat much less of them. Now I can go back to my normal, healthy diet and feel more whole. Hurray!

My Secret Garden

Last month I bought a small pot of mini roses for our first wedding anniversary. The roses are tiny but of a deliciously red color. I have been pleasantly surprised by the continuous appearance of new buds. I have always loved flowers, and I grew up with a tiny home garden outside of our apartment windows. My father taught me how to appreciate plants. So I feel a sense of re-connection with my past. Watching plants grow and flowers blossom is one of my passions. After the red roses I bought two more pots, one of yellow and one of pink. The pink roses have the most prominant fragrance, a kind of intoxicating sweetness. Sometimes when I water them, I caress the petals and small-talk to them a bit, while enjoying the warm sun and fresh air on the balcony. I have not made use of the balcony like this before, as it occurred to me a hassle to grow plants which will die after only two short months of summer. But this year, I thought, what the heck! I'll let the flowers bloom and let myself enjoy the moments with them. The short Swedish summer has taught me, that the present moment is truly a present.

The River Talks

"Is this what you mean? That river is everywhere at the same time, at the source and at the mouth, at the waterfall, at the ferry, at the current, in the ocean and in the mountains, everywhere, and that the present only exists for it, not the shadow of the past, nor the shadow of the future?"
~from "Siddhartha" by Hermann Hesse

This is one of my favorite passages from Siddhartha. How amazing that the ancient wisdom in the book points to the illusion of time and space, something supported by quantum physics. And how amazing, that the fisherman says that the best way to gain wisdom is by listening to the river. Yes, Nature contains all the answers to our hearts' quests. All we need to do is to listen.

A Room with a View

Despite the small size of our studio apartment, I often feel lucky to have such a great view of downtown Stockholm from this spot up the hill. On a clear, warm summer day, the sky around us is often dotted with a dozen of colorful hot air balloons.



We are also situated near a football stadium, where games and concerts are hosted. Recently the Rolling Stones were there to perform and we could even hear their music from our home! Yesterday there was some sort of football game, at the end of which was a brilliant display of fireworks. Thinking back at the difficulty of standing among the hundreds of thousands of people to catch a glimpse of the firework shows in Hong Kong, I just can't help but amaze at the ease with which I can enjoy firework from my humble abode. It's a million-dollar view.

Journey of the Hero

Psychoanalyst Carl Jung speaks of the Journey of the Hero, a transformation of the self, a quest to understand the ultimate truth beyond the matrix of social conventions. I believe that there is a hero in each of us. You may call it a slice of the holographic universe, one of many faces of god, part of the divine wisdom, or a mass of energy that is connected with all the other energies in the world.

By chance (?), my husband bought me a book by Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha, as a way to introduce me to one of his favorite authors. In a magical way the book mirrors the silent quest inside me to go on a journey to find myself. Like Siddhartha, I don't find comfort in subscribing to any set of religious doctrines or teachings. It is an individual journey, and I prefer to find my own truth through the deepest experience in my heart.

By another chance/coincidence, I found this book The Journey to You: A Shaman's Path to Empowerment by Ross Heaven. I actually bought this book before I got Siddhartha. It was a book on sale at the local bookstore, a rare one in English language in this Swedish bookstore. In hindsight it must have been waiting there for me to pick up. A journey to me... that's what I'm undertaking. "We shall not cease exploration," as T.S. Eliot wrote. And I have a feeling this journey never ends.

"He looked around as if seeing the world for the first time. The world was beautiful, strange and mysterious. Here was blue, here was yellow, here was green, sky and river, woods and mountains, all beautiful, all mysterious and enchanting, and in the midst of it, he, Siddhartha, the awakened one, on the way to himself."
~from Siddhartha

One-word Syndrome

What's funny about having lived in Sweden for two years is that I have started to confuse myself when it comes to compound words. Should keychain be one word or two? What about bookstore? And icecream? Or railroadstation? Hmmm, perhaps a homeimprovementproject? Well, the Swedish language tends to combine two words into one and even this nitpicking editor here seems to have been infected with the one-word syndrome unconsciously. Help! I need some brainrinsing!

A Love's Fool

Saw the French movie A la folie... Pas du tout. A brilliant movie directed by Laetitia Colombani and starring Audrey Tautou. It's about a girl who imagines an entire love story with a married cardiologist she gets infactuated with. The first part of the "bi-polar" plot almost fooled me into thinking this was just an ordinary classic romance. But wait! It turned out to be a thriller, and an intriguing one at that. The girl is actually dignosed as a "erotoman"... but I think it's more appropriate to name her a love's fool, which I myself have once been. A suspenseful, sad and thought-provoking movie. I totally enjoyed Audrey Tautou's performance... another success after Amelie.